FAQs from Sports Parents

by Dr Michelle Clubb

How can I support my child without putting too much pressure on them?

1

Research shows that encouragement, belief in effort, and emotional support increase motivation, while excessive pressure often undermines enjoyment and can lead to dropout.

Practical ways to support without pressure:

· Praise effort and small improvements rather than just wins

· Ask open questions like "What did you learn today?" rather than "Did you win?"

· Agree on simple routines that help them feel calm before matches

· Focus on personal development goals rather than results

· Keep body language neutral and encouraging during matches.

What about my neurodivergent child - will these ideas still work? get started?

2

Yes. The Inner Game Pyramid applies to all athletes, but we include neuroaffirming adaptations such as:

· Visual schedules and predictable routines

· Sensory supports (quiet spaces, ear defenders, fidget tools)

· Clear, direct communication with coaches

· Flexible roles and extra processing time

· Recognition that visible calmness doesn't always mean internal calm

The aim is not to make neurodivergent children copy neurotypical strategies, but to help each child find their own way to feel safe, focused, and confident on match day.

We also introduce the STEP approach (Space, Task, Equipment, People) to help families and coaches plan match-day adjustments together.

Can you give an example of what I should actually say before and after a match??

3

Before a match:

· Keep it very simple: "Have fun, do your best, and focus on your one goal for today" rather than lots of technical instructions. Avoid last-minute advice that can create pressure.

After a match:

· Start with open, low-pressure questions:

· "What was the best part of today?"

· "What did you learn from that match?"

· "How did you feel when that positive moment happened?"

· Then highlight one strength you noticed, like persistence, good sportsmanship, or a skill they've been working on.

· Avoid asking: "Did you win?" or "What was the score?" as the first question..

What can I do in the moment when my child is upset or 'melting down'?

4

In the heat of the moment, focus on regulation, not teaching:

· Brief, calm support

· Move to a quiet space if possible

· Breathing together (balloon breaths: in for 4, out for 6)

· Simple grounding techniques (5-4-3-2-1: name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, etc.)

This helps them shift from the 'red' or 'yellow' Zone of Regulation back toward green (calm and focused).

Later, when they are calm, you can reflect together using the CALM approach:

· Catch the feeling

· Assess the trigger

· Let it go (breathing, reframing)

· Move forward